Does the pain ever really go away?

I know that it has been over a year since I wrote in here, but I'm hoping to work on that. There are so many bad things in my life, and right now they are out waying the good. One thing is, I'm still in love with the first guy I ever loved, sad thing about that is, we have been apart for almost five years. How does one love someone that long and never let them go? I have been with other people since him, but the pain and the love I feel for him has never truly went away. :( I'm really good friends with his family, should I stop that? I love them so much, I really can't imagine not having them in my life. What do I do though? I know that he would be with me if he didn't have a crazy baby momma. She doesn't love him, she's 17, she doesn't want to be tied down. She is pregnant by another guy, and yet she still has him. So many people believe that he would be with me if it wasn't for her. I hope that this recent move will help him realize that he doesn't belong with her. Second bad thing in my life, my mom really has a problem with her medication and if she isn't more careful, I'm afraid we are going to lose her. 3rd, there is a possibility that I won't be able to conceive... I can't imagine God taking the one thing that I want more than anything in my life away from me. I want to be a mom so badly. Not right now, but when I finish college I want to start thinking about it. I think that being a mom is my calling in life. I love children, and I just want that more than anything. 4th, school is really starting to get to me. I have been going to school since I was 3, and I'm 21 at the moment. Its just becoming a pain. I love what I am studying don't get me wrong, but I'm just so tired of school.. :( I really wish that my luck would turn around. :( I do have good things in my life though, I have family and friends that love me, a roof over my head, a car to drive, and food in my belly, I should stop complaining, but everything is really starting to get to me. I'm also starting to hate my weight, any ideas? I need to lose some pounds, and I'm going to do it. Some how, some way. Anyways, I'm done for now. I just had to write. Love to all. =)

Thinking

Hello,

I am not really good at expressing my feelings, but maybe this will help. A friend of mine told me about "blog spot", said that I should join, so here I am.. Haha. I am so stressed out anymore, and I am really not sure where my life is going at this point. I am attending MECC on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to become a teacher "though my passions is law", everyone feels as though Education would be the best occupation for me, so I have gotten this far might as well finish it. Today has been one of those days where I feel incredibly lonely "yes I am single", my heart hurts sometimes when I sit down and look at all my friends and see that they all have someone, and yet I do not. I don't really like talking about it, I feel as though I am whining and I hate that. Normally, I don't share my emotions, I keep them bottled up. I sit and wonder to myself, "why is it that nice people finish last"? I believe that I have deserve some happiness in my life for once. Normally, I don't complain, but lately it hurts to think that I am alone and I am 20 years old. I mean, I am not ready to be married, but it would be nice to have someone there. I have to be the rock though, my friends and family need me, so I stay strong, don't act as though anything bothers me. I must go though, class in the morning and I am completely exhausted. I will probably right tomorrow night to give a bit more of an insight of my life to those whom want to read it. Night to all.